Beware your mentors
Who inspires you? Who guides you? Who are your heroes?
I love Super Heroes. I love the idea that these people sometimes lead dual lives. Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter, becomes Superman. Barry Allen, working for Central City crime division, saves people from those crimes as the Flash. Oliver Queen returns from five years on an island and now, as the Green Arrow, the billionaire’s son feels compelled to save his city from those who have failed it.
Could I be a super hero, too? Could I lead a double life?
As a writer, I actually DO lead a double life.
To the outside world, I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, and a college professor. But to my closest friends — those who know my inner, dark secrets — I also steal away from those public roles to write stories, novels, and yes — articles and columns — in the hope that one day, I can make the world a better place by giving my readers something to ponder, something to consider, a respite from their ordinary days.
Joseph Campbell (1973) conceptualized the journey of the hero through his studies of Greek and Roman mythology, American folktales, and contemporary stories. He wrote about the hero’s journey, first being called to action, but then going through a denial, or refusal, and eventually meeting up with someone who saw value and worth in the hero even when the hero abjured their strengths. That ‘someone’ becomes the hero’s mentor. The mentor teaches the hero lessons: Yoda to Luke, Mr. Miyagi to the Karate Kid’s Daniel, Gandalf to Frodo. The mentor supports the hero.
But what am I to do? I don’t have a mentor. And not for NOT trying.
Many years ago, I agreed to be coached by a friend who aspired to be a professional life coach. Our daughter’s were classmates, and through that common mom talk connected to play dates and carpool, we had shared our common goals. She knew that I liked to write and I knew that she was pretty good at planning things, developing strategies, and making things happen.
The arrangement seemed simple and straightforward. I’d be her client and she would practice her techniques. A win-win association.
We met every Sunday at a coffee shop in a nearby town. We spent about 2 hours — first with small talk, then a check-in, and ended with developing plans for the coming week.
I got inspired. I got excited. I got the creative juices flowing.
I had written a novel — one that I adored but that I knew needed work — although I didn’t really know how to progress. Still — I loved the process of working on the novel with the dream of being published luring me along this path.
Like Luke, Daniel, and Frodo, I trusted my mentor. I shared secrets. She confided in me, too.
The problem with creativity is that WE creatives often suffer from the Snowball Syndrome.
A creative has an idea, which sparks another idea, and another and another. Like a rolling snowball, we collect ideas and projects.
The first idea, while good and viable, is hidden deep inside layers of frozen matter. That first idea is trapped inside that huge snowball without a chance of seeing the light of day. That first idea is now wrapped with other related, other contingent, ideas.
After meeting with my mentor for several months — and making little tangible progress of the novel or its publication, I had this idea for a NEW web site. I would fill this site with inspiring ideas for creatives like myself. I would send along a daily email that I called “The Daily Kick In The Pants” to keep my followers motivated. I registered the website. I chose the theme, the color scheme, and designed flyers, and a business card.
The site had ten pages and I packed every one of them with valuable, useful content.
I was SO proud of what I had accomplished in a week and I was so excited to meet with my mentor and share my idea.
After our initial chit-chat about the kids, their school, the weather, I told her what I had done.
Do you know what she said?
She said, “You’re beyond help.”
As Mike Birbiglia often says, “I know! I’m in the future, too.”
It was as if she had thrust a sizzling dagger into my heart.
She belittled my idea. She damaged my self-esteem. She killed my creativity.
That was August of 2001. I was ahead of the curve. I could have been one of the pioneers in the creativity sphere.
But instead, I still struggle.
And yet…
I persist. I strive. I try and I do. And I fight because I cannot NOT do this.
There are those who understand the Snowball Syndrome. Todd Brison (2016) wrote about the creative’s unique way of seeing the world in his book “The Creative’s Curse.” He shared his personal progress and methods that accept the fact that a constant flow of new ideas sustains the creative. His success is proof positive that a creative’s mindset is… different. Embrace the difference. And persist.
My father used to say, “You can’t learn any younger.” As a child, this phrase perplexed me, but he usually said this when I was struggling with learning a new task. Learning to cook, playing the clarinet, giving a speech.
This past year, I completed my PhD, I wrote 2 complete novels, I went on a 3,200 mile road trip with my husband and daughter. And I embarked on a fitness program, that includes boxing, that has transformed my physical body. All this while also maintaining my career as an adjunct professor where I annually teach close to 400 students in a more than ‘full time’ schedule at 2 different universities.
At the age of 61, I wish that I could tell my father, “You are right. I am still learning.” And I don’t want to be younger.
My life’s goal — Inspire others to do their art. So let’s begin — or continue.
But first, beware your mentors for they know not what damage they may do. Well meaning, or not.
There are GREAT mentors out there. If you find one, you’re lucky. I’m not saying that mentorship is ALWAYS bad. I am saying that you know yourself better than anyone else. But you might not value your own ideas so you look to others for confirmation, guidance, even tough love.
A good mentor CAN transform you.
A bad mentor CAN derail without even realizing the power that they wield.
I believe that there are GREAT mentors out there. I want to MENTOR others. I have in the past. I hope to in the future. Without strong teachers, the student stagnates. Mentors can make the difference. But remember to look within, too. Sometimes we don’t value our own strengths.
The best mentor must come from within. Coddle it. Cultivate it. Love it.
References
Brison, T. (2016). The Creative’s Curse: Find the Creative Confidence to Walk with Your Demons. Independent.
Campbell, J. (1973). The Hero with a Thousand Faces. Princeton, NJ: Princeton Press.
Suggested readings:
https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-creatives-curse-e4f72f211ee3
