The folly of free time.
This year, I set a goal to finally get published. Not for free — as in the articles that I have and will publish here on Medium — or those that I’ve done in the past for my local newspaper. Not in an academic journal — where my numerous hours of research, writing, and revision reap no monetary reward (although such an accomplishment would help to fill our my CV). And not that I pay for — as in a self-published novel, novella, or chapbook.
No, this IS the year where the universe will finally reward me for all of my years of hard work. This IS the year where others will pay money to purchase MY WORDS.
You probably have your own goals for this year. And while your goals may differ widely from mine, they still hold great power for you and how you choose to spend your time and effort in accomplishing them.
But here’s the thing — we all have the same amount of time each day. 1,440 minutes or 10,080 in a week. Taking into account sleeping (7 hours a night?), eating and self care (2.5 hours a day), and oh yeah… work (8 hours a day?)… that leaves about 360 minutes a day for tasks that could lead to that goal.
Wait! What? That’s more than 6 hours of available — or FREE — time each day. Even more on the weekends when I don’t have to ‘work.’
So what’s the problem?
For me, it’s a matter of how I manage that free time.
I’m much better at cramming big things into smaller things. That’s probably why I’m often late. Because I believe that I can cram REALLY big things into short spans of time.
For example, if I’m getting ready to go to school, and I’m five minutes ahead of schedule, I will think… “Hmm… I could start the laundry. Or throw something in the crockpot for dinner.” And then suddenly… I’m late.
My BIG things don’t fit into the smaller things.
The old saying, “If you want something done, give the task to a busy person” makes sense in some ways because busy people appear to be better at managing time. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why I try to stay so busy.
But it doesn’t always work. And sometimes important things get shunted aside.
LIKE my BIG goal.
Confession time: This is NOT the first year that I’ve resolved to get published, to get paid, to get read.
But this is the first year that I’m being public with my goal.
It’s the weekend. You would think that these two days when I theoretically have more 14 hours on Saturday AND Sunday to work toward my goal, that by today — almost four weeks into the new year — that I would have SO much done.
In fact, I have written almost 10,000 NEW words in the most recent draft of my novel (the thing that I’m most eager to see published). And I realize that writing and finishing the novel is JUST the first step. There will be revision, editing, and then querying agents or publishers. All work. All requiring those free, or extra, hours.
So why are weekends SO hard for me?
I just don’t know how to relax.
I don’t know how to ease off of the gas pedal when I’m on vacation. That’s probably why my husband and I prefer to go to Disney for vacation. He always says, “We didn’t come all this way to NOT go to the theme park everyday.” AND “The pass is for the whole day. Let’s get our money’s worth.” And I tend to agree with him. (Although I’ve heard that you’re supposed to relax on vacation. But it rarely feels relaxing.)
I don’t know how to disengage on the weekend either. Sometimes I think that I would get more done if I had a part time job on the weekend leaving only two or three hours for myself. THEN I’d be more focused. I’d have to be.
One of my writer friends admonished me a few weeks ago when I was reviewing my upcoming semester schedule. I don’t remember the exact words because while he was saying them, my brain was refuting them, but it was something like — “You do too much. You’re too busy. It’s okay to NOT be doing something ALL THE TIME.” (You know who you are. Feel free to write in the correct conversation in the comments!)
I wonder.
Is being busy a way to disguise the real reason why I’ve never been published?
I’ve never been published because I’ve never really tried, but my rational brain argues, ‘You’re too busy. What’s the matter with you? You do SO much. Maybe when you retire.’
Yeah! Right!
I fear that if I get to the Pearly Gates and I am not holding a published book under my arm, that the gatekeeper will say… “Too bad. You were pretty good. You just didn’t quite get there.” Then they’ll look past me and say, “Next?”
It’s not that I don’t have enough time. We all have the same amount of time each week.
The problem is adding a sense of urgency to the task.
The problem is getting the most out of the down time — the only time — when I can devote to this bigger goal. Without trying to cram too many big things into the small things.
The folly of free time is a lack of structure. Being busy inherently brings structure. The only way to get through a busy day is to plan and be sure that every little detail is taken care of.
The folly of free time is sitting at my computer just pondering and squandering.
Some experts suggest that people who want to do creative things, like write a novel, or paint a picture, or even play music, think of the work, the toil, the practice, as if they were a job. Decide how much time and effort might be required and then dedicate yourself to the job.
Show up for work.
Don’t get fired.
Free time is not free. Free time is a gift. For me, free time — or ME time — is the only time to work towards this goal.
It is folly to fidget and fret.
Do one thing. For one minute. For five minutes. For fifteen minutes. An hour.
Even if no one’s watching, you need to do this. You need to believe in yourself and know that you can do it.
Fill that free time. It’s your job.
